The ‘People’s Pontiff’ is Out of Touch with the People Regarding Surrogacy
Pope Francis’s complete condemnation of surrogacy for assisted reproduction did two things this week, both of which are sadly not out of character for the Roman Catholic Church: He chastised science and irritated the LGBTQ+ population.
However, as a gay man, physician, and a staunch advocate of gestational surrogacy who was also raised Catholic, this statement has had more of an impact on me than I had anticipated.
I grew up Catholic, going to Church and Sunday school every week, and receiving the sacraments of Baptism, First Communion, and Confirmation. My parents were altar servers, meaning they were lay people who were trained to serve Communion (the ‘Body’ and ‘Blood’ of Jesus Christ). I also went to Catholic school for 7 years, including middle and high school. So, by all objective measurements, I was raised very Catholic.
Despite this upbringing, I quickly withdrew from the Church after I went to college. Not being forced to go to Church at school or with my family, it was easy to stop going all together. This delinquincy later turned to total abandonment of the Church after I came out in college. Coming to terms with who I was in terms of my sexual orientation took precedence over a religion that didn’t accept who I had become. Soon, the Church seemed like a vestigial aspect to my history and upbringing, but not a functioning component of my current personality.
And yet, I cannot deny the impact the Church has had on my life. I became a doctor largely because of the service aspect of the profession. I spent an inordinate amount of time volunteering in elderly care facilities during school as a requirement for our community service, and being a doctor seemed like the epitome of this service, balancing the care infused by the Church with my interest in science.
I know I am not the first person to believe that religion, spirituality, or belief in God doesn’t have to be separate and in complete contrast to a belief in science, but the Church has a track record of making it hard to believe in both.
Some notable examples of the Church’s antagonism towards science throughout history include (1):
Galileo and Heliocentrism: Galileo, himself a Catholic, was tried for heresy in 1633 by the Roman Inquisition, which forced him to recant his view that the Earth revolves around the Sun. He was forced to live out the rest of his days under house arrest. It would take over 350 years until the Church would issue a formal apology.
Darwin and Evolution: Perhaps learning a bit from Galileo, the Church took a ‘neutral’ stance on evolution until the 2000s, though some church figures rejected it. Finally, about 150 years after publication of ‘On the Origin of Species,’ the Church agreed to ‘theistic evolution,’ which states that God created a universe where cosmic and biological evolution occurred.
Sexual Health and HIV/AIDS: To combat the scourge of HIV/AIDS, the Church continues to advocate monogamy and abstinence over the use of condoms. On a trip to Africa in 2009, Pope Benedict XVI drew fire from health experts when he stated that condoms would worsen the AIDS epidemic.
While astronomy, biology, and sexual health have drawn criticism of the Catholic Church, reproductive scientific advances have received the most criticism. The Church continues to remain steadfastly and completely opposed to pharmacologic contraception, abortion, IVF, and any research involving embryonic stem cells (2).
The Church really does want reproduction — almost like a business that wants to future proof its clientele — but this procreation has to happen on their terms. Pope Francis has even accused people who do not want to have children of being ‘selfish.’ He attacked these people who choose to have pets over children, stating that they are ‘lesser’ and are causing ‘suffering’ by not becoming parents (3).
In summary, the position of the Church is that if you choose not to be a parent, you are a selfish, lower form of human life, but if you desperately want to be a parent and leverage science to do so through assisted reproductive technologies, you are despised.
You really can’t win with the Catholic Church, unless you perfectly fit into their mold for who is a ‘good’ person and what is the ‘right’ family.
I thought I had come to terms with all that, being a gay man who had abandoned the Church and pursued a life including my ‘chosen’ family of friends. Then my husband and I wanted to have our own family, and we began to pursue surrogacy.
I have researched and written about surrogacy and the process of becoming a queer father weekly for the last 6 months. I am by no means a world expert, but I have learned a great deal regarding the process, and these learnings have shown me that the process of growing a family through IVF and surrogacy — especially in the United States — is nothing like what the Pope is claiming.
It almost feels as though the Pope watched Netflix’s show, ‘The Surrogacy,’ and suddenly decided he needed to prevent this atrocity. I agree. That show is an atrocity, but it is also a terrible and completely inaccurate description of surrogacy as it occurs in the U.S. I wrote my very first BabyMoon Family article on this show, and I recommend it as a good read through everything the show got wrong (https://www.babymoonfamily.com/original-articles/netflix-the-surrogacy or https://medium.com/@babymoonfamily/netflixs-the-surrogacy-a-terrible-portrayal-of-surrogacy-that-comes-at-a-bad-time-b8e87ecf29dc).
In reality, there are extremely strict guidelines, medical clearances, psychological assessments, financial disclosures, and social support evaluations that are done before a woman can become a gestational carrier (GC) in the U.S. This means that she is medically, emotionally, and psychologically prepared for the journey, and that she is in no way coerced or being exploited. In fact, the incredible women who become GCs do it out of the kindness of their own hearts, and, somewhat like my desire to become a physician, often have religious upbringings or beliefs that play a role in their desire to help people become parents.
That being said, I advocate for and am pursuing surrogacy in the U.S. because it is so well regulated. When it is not well regulated, there can be issues of abuse and coercion. I have written about this as well, and in another BabyMoon Family article, I described a recent scandal involving an IVF clinic and surrogacy agency in Greece that exploited women in Georgia, Ukraine, and Romania (https://www.babymoonfamily.com/original-articles/greeece-surrogacy-crisis or https://medium.com/@babymoonfamily/the-surrogacy-crisis-in-greece-and-how-the-world-should-respond-d66f53eb0cc5).
Surrogacy is a delicate and intricate process, but if done correctly with the proper oversight and guidelines, it is a beautiful process that both the intended parents (IPs) and GCs bond over, sometimes building lifelong relationships.
It is this last aspect — the beauty of GCs, what they offer, and the relationship that is formed — that is most incongruous with what the Pope has claimed.
To say this is deplorable, violating, and exploitative to the GC and child completely negates the incredible journey and human ‘miracle’ that it is to make it happen. This child is not a ‘contract,’ but rather is so wanted that the parents are willing to go through this challenging process to have them. Banning surrogacy globally would merely create a completely unregulated and underground network, as nothing would stop IPs from pursuing their dreams of parenthood.
The influence of the Pope and Roman Catholic Church, even in our fast-paced, tech-forward, 21st century, cannot be denied. Over 1 billion people on the planet are Catholics, and over 1 million LGBTQ+ Americans follow the Church (4).
I cannot speak for these people or their beliefs, but I can say that this has taught me two important lessons:
I will never completely ‘get free’ from the Catholic Church.
I have to be okay with that.
I will always care what the Church says or thinks because I was brought up in it. Much like a dismissive or emotionally abusive parent, I cling to it and want to please it even though it rebukes me. But at the same time, I know the Church can be wrong. Science is not wrong. Gay parents are not wrong. IVF and GCs are not wrong. Unfortunately, I cannot wait hundreds of years for the Church to catch up, but in the meantime, I will continue to support myself and every other queer man, woman, and child who wants to become a parent as well as anyone who is kind enough to help them do it.
To them, I utilize the words of a gay icon with an angelic voice, ‘You are beautiful, no matter what they say.’
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