'The Modern Family Show': An Emotionally Intelligent, Inclusive Family Building Conference
“They wish they had…”
This phrase was repeated multiple times throughout 'The Modern Family Show', and that’s because it encompasses the foundational motivation for Michael and Wes Johnson-Ellis to start this unique conference in 2019.
Having children through surrogacy in the UK, Micahel and Wes made a lot of mistakes. That was to be expected because when they were going through their journey, there was very little in terms of legitimate, non-Facebook guidance.
However, they took all these learnings, and they have built a veritable empire of support, advice, and agencies to help other queer intended parents (IPs) on their journeys, and 'The Modern Family Show' is the one day extravaganza for all of this incredible work.
In this article, I want to take the opportunity to share what I felt made this conference unique, how I experienced the day, and offer some of my own guidance on how 'The Modern Family Show' can be most helpful to other LGBTQ+ intended parents.
What Made the Conference Unique
There was an overarching sense of community, inclusivity, and diversity that permeated the day of the conference. The organizers made the effort to include preferred pronouns on everyone’s name badges, and there were headphones and sign language translators provided. They really wanted everyone to feel welcome and comfortable.
Unlike other conferences I have attended where the focus is exclusively on surrogacy, 'The Modern Family Show' had presentations and vendors for adoption and fostering in addition to topics on assisted reproductive technology (ART) like reciprocal IVF for queer women.
Conference sponsors were a combination of industry and community organizations
In order to make the information more digestible and less overwhelming, the conference limited all the educational sessions to 30 minutes. This was great as it kept the topics high level, but they also included expert panelists such as physicians, lawyers, and gestational carriers.
The engine behind this conference and much of the information came from My Surrogacy Journey (https://mysurrogacyjourney.com/). This is the agency founded by Michael and Wes, which has grown to include educational information, guidance, and surrogacy pathways in the UK (1), United States (2), and in Mexico City (3).
I really appreciated that all the sessions I attended were very upfront about two things that are critical in any surrogacy journey: Cost and timeline. At the very beginning and in the first one or two slides, every session on each type of surrogacy journey included very realistic cost and time ranges.
Sign inviting anyone to enter the reflection room.
It was all extremely transparent and honest, and they also considered how overwhelming such a conference experience can be. I know my husband and I felt inundated with information and options at our first surrogacy conference, and so I was thrilled to see a ‘reflection room,’ which was a quiet space for anyone to come in, sit, think, write, or even talk about their feelings and experience with others or with Char Bailey (https://www.instagram.com/Char_Bailey_/). Char is self proclaimed ‘light warrior’ who is a staunch advocate for diversity, inclusion, and helping the world better understand the intersection of neurodiversity and queer people and everyone’s unique lived experience.
How Did I Experience the Conference
I came to this conference from an unusual vantage point.
I’m an American physician living in Sweden who is on a surrogacy journey in the United States. I wasn’t looking for more education or to explore my own options, but rather I wanted to better understand the UK surrogacy system, see how United States surrogacy would be portrayed, and hear more about the My Surrogacy Journey Mexico City route.
Because BabyMoon Family and all my research and writing are focused on ART and surrogacy, I didn’t attend any of the adoption or fostering seminars, but as I said above, I do love that they were there.
My biggest take away from the UK surrogacy system was that it’s based on outdated, Margaret Thatcher-era regulations that requires new parents to get a ‘Parental Order’ (4) in order to become the legal parents of their child. This is true whether the surrogacy happens in the United States, UK, Mexico, or anywhere else in the world, and it takes about 6 months. During this time, the gestational carrier and her partner are technically the child’s parents. Understandably, this can be a time fraught with anxiety, stress, and uncertainty, but it is something all UK parents through surrogacy have to manage and navigate.
In terms of the United States surrogacy option, the conference did a good job providing an overview of the high costs, overwhelming options, safety, and professional nature of the journey. However, likely due to cost and logistical complexities, there was only one fertility clinic and surrogacy agency represented from the US. I believe that inviting more American experts, especially physicians and lawyers, as well as intended and current parents working through the US (I volunteer as tribute), would be a great way to make this session and area more diverse and present more of the variety of options that the US does offer.
‘My first babysitter was an embryologist’ in an amazing onesie that I want to get for my child
Lastly, the Mexico City pathway did showcase more legal, clinical, and timeline detail than any other surrogacy session. I believe this was largely due to the fact that My Surrogacy Journey has vertically integrated all aspects of this journey into their agency ecosystem. They have really taken control of the pathway, as opposed to merely facilitating or assisting with journeys in the UK and US. This level of detail and oversight was evident, and I really appreciated that they did clarify some of the myths around Mexico City laws, gestational carriers, and the process in an open and truthful manner.
Main Takeaways for Queer Intended Parents
As BabyMoon Family is meant to help queer IPs on their rainbow family journey through ART, I wanted to summarize the main advice and impressions that I had from my day at 'The Modern Family Show':
Diverse, direct, and a great introduction to surrogacy in the UK, US, and Mexico City
Focus (understandably) is on UK intended parents
Emotionally intelligent presenters and seminars
Holistic approach to rainbow family creation through the inclusion of fostering, adoption, ART, and surrogacy
All surrogacy journeys are shared through the lens of My Surrogacy Journey, which offers amazing and transparent information, but should also be viewed as only a single source of information, especially as it relates to US and international surrogacy journeys
A true safe space to explore how to grow your rainbow family
It was an incredible day, and my only logistical suggestion to make it even better would be to include more social opportunities for the IPs. Maybe a dinner or meet up after the conference that 'The Modern Family Show' could organize but does not have to host or pay for. I always love opportunities to meet other queer IPs and form connections and community. After all, it takes a village to have a rainbow family and to raise children, so it’s always great to meet as many like-minded people as possible to form this amazing queer village.
My favorite company logo at the event.