It’s Time for Queer People to Leave Facebook, But Then Where Will They Go to Connect About IVF and Surrogacy?
The Problems with Facebook for LGBTQ+ People
In-person safe spaces for queer people have been on the decline for over a decade. In the United States, the number of gay bars fell from 1,234 in 2012 to 730 in 2021, a decrease of 40% (1). In light of this, queer people have turned to social media to find connection, support, and community.
However, social media has become increasingly hostile towards LGBTQ+ people. Elon Musk’s platform X led the charge to promote ‘free speech’ online by largely removing content moderation, and now Mark Zuckerberg’s Meta has followed suit under pressure from the Trump administration (2).
Not only are hateful posts and comments now allowed to proliferate, but LGBTQ+ businesses are also being censored on these platforms. The founder of Misterb&b - an Airbnb-like platform for gay travelers - stated that Meta has removed their advertisements due to the ‘LGBTQ+ content’ (3).
From a queer intended parent (IP) perspective, Facebook is an especially prolific site with countless groups for gay intended dads, matching with surrogates or gestational carriers (GCs), and navigating journeys in various countries. As shared by my interview with new gay dads, Scott and David, these Facebook groups provide important information and connection.
But how can queer people continue to support these platforms in the face of growing hate and censorship?
Also, I have noticed that more and more posters in these Facebook groups are ‘Anonymous.’ While they may be doing this to protect themselves on the platform, it damages the sense of community and makes every group feel like a Reddit thread.
But what is the solution?
Niche Social Media and the Potential for Queer Connections and Business Opportunities
As opposed to big social media (i.e. from Big Tech), niche social media platforms are community-specific online groups that offer privacy, control, and meaningful connections.
Two examples of popular niche social media sites are Strava for exercise enthusiasts and Goodreads for bookworms. Both these sites allow these communities to share, discuss, and bond over their shared interests without having to expose themselves to the gargantuan online worlds of Facebook, Instagram, or X (4).
A niche social media platform for queer intended parents could solve several problems that exist on big social media:
Privacy and safety: The community could tailor admission and easily remove anyone attacking people’s family building journeys.
Targeted Advertising: Family building for queer people requires the assistance of lawyers, fertility clinics, and sometimes surrogacy agencies. If Misterb&b is being censored on Facebook, it’s likely services for rainbow family building would be as well. A niche social media site would allow and connect these businesses to their target audiences, facilitating more rainbow family creation (5).
Connection at the Right Time and Place: Right now, Facebook groups are the best option for queer IPs, GCs, and everyone involved in rainbow family planning to meet. However, it’s still just a post followed by comments. Sometimes you get useful responses or can successfully search for the answer to your question, but often this is not the case. Also, everyone is in the same group. What it is really lacking is connecting with people who are in the same stage of their journey as you, living in the same country as you, and/or doing IVF and surrogacy in the same country as you.
I believe that a niche social media platform by BabyMoon Family could deliver on these elements. For connection at the right time and place, I envisage the platform having the ability for people to sign up and move along on their journey in real time through 12 steps or stages.
This figure shows the first 6 steps:
These first 6 steps steps include the following stages with an example of the key question(s) that people could discuss:
Decision: Is IVF and surrogacy the journey for me?
Location: What country do I want to do IVF and surrogacy?
Team: How to choose a lawyer, fertility clinic, and/or agency?
Donor Selection: How to choose an egg donor?
Embryo Creation: How many embryos is enough, and how do you pick which one to use?
Surrogate Matching: What do you look for in a good match?
This figure shows the second half of the 12 step IVF and surrogacy journey:
These steps include the following stages with an example of the key question(s) that people discuss:
Legal Clearance: What is important when writing your surrogate contract?
Implantation: How early do you test for pregnancy, and what support do you need if it doesn’t take?
Pregnancy: How do you navigate the pregnancy and appointments?
Delivery: What is the delivery plan, and how will you navigate the hospital and insurance?
New Parents: What is life like with a newborn?
Seasoned Parents: What advice or guidance would you offer IPs?
These are only example questions or topics, but essentially people could move themselves along these steps to join the group that is right for them given their stage. It would allow for a much higher level of meaningful engagement and support, and people could form their own ‘class,’ where they align on their journeys and then ‘graduate’ together with their new babies.
There would also be opportunities for seasoned parents to offer advice and counsel IPs as well as connect with each other in their own cities and countries to have playdates and rainbow family communities in person.
As a user example, take a couple who is currently living in the U.S. and making embryos for their journey in Mexico. They could join a U.S. group and meet other queer IPs close to where they live. They could join a surrogacy in Mexico group and connect with past, present, and future IPs working in Mexico. They could also join a group for people who are at the stage of making embryos. The steps or stages could also be refined or filterable so that they could connect specifically with those working in Mexico or anywhere in the world if they want to engage in more general discussions.
This approach really allows IPs to customize their experience and find others who are going through or have gone through similar journeys. It’s about finding and connecting with your chosen rainbow families, and the experience would feel much less like ‘Anonymous’ posting into the void.
The Future: A BabyMoon Family Platform for Queer IPs
I believe that a niche social media platform like the one described above to help connect and support queer people all over the world through assisted reproduction is needed, now more than ever.
The journey outline and connectivity described above could be the MVP of the platform. As it grows and evolves, other features such as matching and embryo donation, both of which I have described previously, could be added. Also, publications and coaching from BabyMoon Family could also be added to continue to provide educational and structured support, if needed.
In the face of President Trump in the U.S. and right wing leaders across Europe, LGBTQ+ people need to band together to accomplish our goals and protect ourselves and our families. We cannot let our queer safe spaces - either in person or online - continue to disappear or become unusable.
I would love to work on this BabyMoon Family niche social media platform with any other queer IPs or current parents. If you are interested in working on this or discussing more, please reach out to me at bryan@babymoonfamily.com.
Together, we can create a vibrant, supportive, private, educational, and meaningful community for rainbow family creation and connection.
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