Matching Queer Intended Parents to Make Rainbow Families
I have previously described the ultimate vision for BabyMoon Family as a LGBTQ+ reproductive center where all rainbow family building can take place (https://www.babymoonfamily.com/original-articles/babymoon-family-vision).
The first major step in this vision has begun with an effort to assess the demand within the queer community.
It has been reported that queer intended parents (IPs) account for about 20% of assisted reproductive technology (ART) procedures at some fertility clinics in the U.S. (1). This is a significant portion of all ART, and there have been an increasing number of stories of queer IPs working with queer GCs on their family building journeys (2, 3).
Lauren Brown always knew that she wanted to "help a gay male couple's family dreams come true." She is pictured here with the intended parents of the baby she is currently carrying (2)
Surrogate Zarah Hilliard (center) with Dads Randall Thomas (left) and Daryl Garcia (right) (3)
This showcases the size of the population and trend of queer IPs working with others within the community to have children through ART. However, these articles are specific to queer male IPs and queer female GCs. What about sperm and egg donation?
When my husband and I were searching through egg donor databases, we were intrigued by the idea of finding a queer egg donor. After all, IPs want to have a child that most resembles them and their partner, so if you are in a relationship with a queer person, using the genetic material from another queer person makes sense. We didn’t end up choosing a queer egg donor, but that was mostly because there weren’t any options to filter and really search for this with the database, so we decided to prioritize other aspects of our donor, which you can read more about here (https://www.babymoonfamily.com/original-articles/choosing-egg-donor).
I also know anecdotal stories from lesbian asking gay male friends for sperm donation with great success, and so I believe there is a demand for this type of queer collaborative family building.
The BabyMoon Family website (www.babymoonfamily.com) now has a 4 step process in order to start establishing this demand for queer IPs and collaboration:
Research: The BabyMoon Family website has over 50 articles detailing ART for queer IPs to help them learn and decide if ART is the best choice for their rainbow family journey.
Application: Once a queer IP has decided they want to pursue ART, there is a simple form on the BabyMoon family website to initially assess their individual situation (https://www.babymoonfamily.com/application). This survey takes less than a 2 minutes to complete, but it quickly paints a picture of
Who you are,
Where you live and want to embark on your journey,
What you are looking for and offering (i.e. egg donor, sperm donor, GC),
The type of journey you want to have (i.e. altruistic or compensated), and
Why you want to work with the queer community.
Feedback: BabyMoon Family will receive the application and then can reach out via email for some follow up questions, if needed. This may be related to regulatory challenges depending on where in the world you are located and want to carry out your journey.
Matching: Once there is an application that fits yours, BabyMoon Family will connect you personally to see if you want to work together.
This is truly a community-driven enterprise that wants to help queer IPs. This service is completely free and comes with no obligations to work with anyone you are matched with. The idea is that you can build your team of donors and/or a GC and then go together to get services you need to continue your journey, such as a clinic and lawyers.
Also, it's important to note that ‘matching’ can mean any and all types of arrangements, such as:
A lesbian couple is looking for a gay sperm donor who is not interested in having children of his own.
A queer single man is looking for a GC, and a queer woman who has completed her family wants to help out.
A gay couple is looking for a lesbian egg donor, and a lesbian couple is looking for a gay sperm donor.
These arrangements can be altruistic, where there is no compensation to donors or GCs, or they can be compensated. However, compensated arrangements are heavily regulated and vary by country or even state within the U.S., so this will have to be defined through the application and matching process.
This is just the first step.
BabyMoon Family will learn and evolve from this. Perhaps this is not what the queer community needs in terms of family building, but hopefully this will then help guide our efforts into a better direction.
BabyMoon Family wants to adapt and really serve queer IPs across the world.
The LGBTQ+ community knows all about ‘chosen family.’ So, why not work with our ‘chosen family’ to help build our ‘rainbow families?’
If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to email bryan@babymoonfamily.com.
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