Queer and / or Gay? Identity Challenges When Building a LGBTQ+ Focused Company
Starting a business is never easy. One critical element to any successful venture is knowing your target audience. However, what do you do when your target audience doesn’t really know itself?
This is the challenge I find for myself with starting BabyMoon Family.
Let me preface this by saying that I am a doctor, not a marketing professional. While the discussion below may seem obvious to a marketer, I have found this part of starting a business to be an interesting learning experience that I wanted to share.
BabyMoon Family aims to offer international news, support, and community for men having children through IVF and surrogacy. However, the ‘men’ described here are members of the gay, bisexual, trans, and queer communities. To further complicate things, the ultimate vision of BabyMoon Family is to be a reproductive center for all LGBTQ+ needs (yes, all letters of the acronym), which I described in a recent article (https://www.babymoonfamily.com/original-articles/babymoon-family-vision and https://medium.com/@babymoonfamily/the-babymoon-family-vision-a-comprehensive-reproduction-center-for-all-queer-people-8a741624e2f9).
Even putting the future vision aside, the ‘men’ in the initial target audience are not uniform in their identity. Initially, I thought it would be easiest to just use ‘gay’ as that is how I initially identified myself when coming out, but then I realized how non-inclusive that is. There are a lot of other ‘not-straight’ men who do not identify as ‘gay’ who I want to help and work with. So, how can I be specific in order to build an audience and company while also being inclusive?
The term ‘queer’ came to mind as a possible solution to this dilemma. One of my favorite news outlets from the UK, Pink News (www.thepinknews.com), wrote an article giving a great overview of the definitions for ‘gay’ and ‘queer’ (https://www.thepinknews.com/2017/06/23/whats-the-difference-between-gay-and-queer/). There are several differences in terms of how men identify, but it largely seems to split due to generational or age differences.
‘Gay’ is a term that is mostly preferred by older men, while ‘queer’ has been embraced by the younger generation. This can largely be attributed to the fact that until recently, ‘queer’ was a derogatory term, and so older men have experienced significantly more negative exposure to it. Younger people have reclaimed the word and embraced it as a way to be more inclusive.
Some other differences between the ‘gay’ and ‘queer’ identities also include:
‘Gay’ is very specific. It can really only be interpreted as ‘attracted to the same sex.’
‘Gay’ also has its own internal ambiguity in that it is more commonly used for men, but it can also be for women as well.
‘Queer’ is an umbrella term that can include gay, bi, and trans as well.
‘Queer’ is useful for people who do not want to identify with a specific attraction, as it does not immediately reveal the sex of a partner. This is appealing to younger people, who often do not want to be ‘labeled’ or ‘categorized.’
Lastly, it is important to mention that many men (myself included) can identify with both. While ‘gay’ is the first term that I identified with, I now appreciate and include myself in the ‘queer’ community as well.
So, it seems like ‘queer’ would be the preferable inclusive term to use, and that is the position with which I launched the company. However, I have noticed that given my target audience is queer men who are having children, they tend to be older. Therefore, they tend to identify more as ‘gay’ rather than ‘queer,’ and may even be turned off by the term.
Also, building any brand or company in 2023 requires a strong social media presence. I have been posting daily (or even multiple times a day) for months, and, admittedly, I have very little following on X or Instagram. (If you have read up to this point, feel free to follow @BabyMoonFamily on all platforms).
Why is this? Could it be that I started and have been using the term ‘queer’ rather than ‘gay?’ Perhaps, and so I have changed to now have more of a combined approach, including both ‘gay’ and ‘queer’ terms, descriptions, and hashtags. My most recent list of hashtags for any social media posts includes the following:
#ivf #surrogacy #gaydads #gaydad #queerdads #queerdad #gaymoms #gaymom #queermoms #queermom #lgbtq #rainbowfamilies #rainbowfamily #queerparents #queerparent #gayparents #gayparent #babymoonfamily
I can’t say that this has made a huge difference yet, but I do have hopes that by including both terms, I can start to attract more interest. As I write this, I now wonder if I should also include #bi or #bisexual tags as well. That could be another improvement, as bi-erasure is all too common and should be corrected.
I will say that all this can be further complicated by the fact that BabyMoon Family aims to be an international organization. Family building for LGBTQ+ people is often an international venture, as intended parents often have to travel to countries outside their own in hopes of starting their families due to local regulations and restrictions.
With the international aspect comes language complications. I am fortunate enough to be working in English, which is the dominant language for the current internet and social media landscape. However, I’m not even aware of how these terms, specific like ‘gay’ or more general like ‘queer’ translate in other languages. Many countries may just use the English versions, but I am sure others have their own terms and definitions, which may not only be different from the English words but also may be more or less inclusive in various ways.
While I do believe that ‘queer’ is the better inclusive option and will continue to prioritize it going forward, I would like there to eventually be a non-polarizing term that all men in this category can agree on. A quick brainstorm came up with the following options:
Non-straight men. Not super catchy, but it does include all options without being specific.
Sexually open men. No reason that straight men couldn’t be sexually open with just women, so this doesn’t really work.
Men who like men. This is very ‘clinical’ in that it is similar to how medical professionals are trained to refer to patients’ sexual activity (i.e. ‘men who have sex with men).
While I don’t yet have the solution and my proposals for new labels above are a bit bland, I do believe that I will eventually find my audience and build my company. For the time being, I will continue to strive for both specificity and inclusion. BabyMoon Family will find a niche for itself, and perhaps at the same time develop novel definitions for rainbow families and the parents who make them.